Showing posts with label Mental Health Awareness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mental Health Awareness. Show all posts

Monday, November 25, 2019

11 months Post Ablation and the Fitness Funk

11

I've been neglecting writing a post for my 11th month post ablation as I didn't really know what to say. After my performance at 9 run run I think I peaked and then I had one more redemption run in me to go back to the MEC road race to see if Michelle can tackle the hills at Fortune and to really test if I can truly push myself heart wise and ankle wise.
Sadly the day before the race there was a wicked wind storm that took down a lot of trees in Gatineau Park and the NCC couldn't guarantee they would be ready let alone MEC, the organizers, to setup for the 5K and the 1/2. 
I still picked up my bib, but it wasn't meant to be as late Friday they called off the race.
Obviously for safety reasons, but disappointment was had and I was feeling empty. I ended up joining the Bushtukah crew and hoped that would do it as I had not run with them often and it would have been a good test to see how I would handle trails. I felt fine, but of course didn't push it.
Redemption was not to be had for MEC Road Race #2

Ottawa State of Mind

Now once I hit that peak and that disappointment I hit what I'm calling a "Fitness Funk" I had zero motivation and basically some negativity in my life that was sending me into some anxiety. It was hard to articulate my feelings and whether putting them on the blog would actually help or not?! I didn't know so part of my "funk" was self inflicted and I turned to some people in my tribe that just know me. One of them posted this on their IG story!
This helped steer me in the right direction!

#truth
If any of you know me I give myself and to the community. It's just who I am. When one person in your life just cuts you off (see image above) then they are not worth your energy. So the past few weeks I gave myself to the run community and it was hard to let go. I'm not going to lie. Moving on is not easy when you've been an integral person to them. Well at least you think you were. But I found in the last couple of weeks I need to break that funk and just move on.
Volunteering as a course marshal and photographer for Pathway to a Cure
 
It was at the ArboRace2 that I started feeling like myself again. I saw many runners that appreciated me taking photos of the race and just for giving back to the community. I needed that!
Then the next day I did more photography and helped out the Goulbourn Museum for their Old Fashioned Christmas Craft Fair with their Santa photos. It was my 2nd year doing the photos and it was another rewarding experience.
I felt the spark slowly coming back.
The many volunteers with Santa

Bushtukah Stittsville Trail Running, Evolve Run Club and Mill Street Milers

This past weekend I joined a plethora of running. I was welcomed back with no judgement and appreciated to be around this tribe of people. Words can't convey the gratitude I have for them. It's not just friends, but family. They just get me and helped steer me away from the negativity and direct my energies to where they need to be! So thank you tribe.
I'm sure the photos will speak for themselves!
P8 - Bushtukah Trail Running Crew

The way to the waterfall

Long exposure of the waterfall. Getting there was icy AF

Happy to make it back to the ruins of MacKenzie King Estate

Mill Street Milers - Newvember

Photos by BytownBoy (IG)



So my message to you all is to find your tribe. If you're feeling in a "funk" and you don't know who to turn to anymore when certain people are no longer part of your life. Look the other way or even behind you! You never know who will catch you when you fall and bring you back up. It could be as simple as just getting outside or reaching out to a random person that you've connected with that understand you. Sometimes it's the little things that can break that vicious cycle and allow you to move on! Stay strong and stay tuned for December as I approach my one year Ablation-aversry!

Friday, June 28, 2019

My Heartaversary - Flashback

June 28, 2018

One year ago I went for my first ever stress test at the Heart Institute. If you have followed this blog the full story is there, but this post is just a reminder of how far I've come.
As I head into Canada Day long weekend I wanted to reflect on the past 12 months of my journey. It has been tough, but my desire and motivation to get back pushed me to areas of my body and my mind that I haven't explored. My heart condition has definitely changed me for the better. I've had plenty of support from my family, the run community, my peers and oddly enough the community groups I've discovered on Facebook. The mind is a powerful tool, but that too needs to be taken care of so a lot of self care was done in terms of mindfulness and learning to let go of the stress (still working on that) and live in the moment. Just don't sweat the small stuff.
So as I prepare for redemption at Run Ottawa's Canada Day Road Race I've decided to push myself (carefully) and do the 10K especially since the route has moved back to Kanata Lakes where there should be some shade and hoping people in that area will be out cheering us on. Nothing inspires you more when you see everyone in their nation's colours and seeing the community come out and cheer on runners.
Here's to my 1st year and hoping the rest of 2019 will continue to see my fitness improve.
Hope to see some you out there this weekend and Happy Canada Day!

Recovery after my 1st run on the Heart Institute Tread


After the diagnosis I was compelled to fill the prescription of my blood thinners and beta blockers


Wednesday, January 30, 2019

Sleep Study and Bell Let's Talk

Sleep Study Results

Mark this date in your calendar January 29, 2019 has been the snowiest January since 1999. Shattering the previous total of 93cm and so for 2019--97 cm #winning 😒
So of course with all that snow that meant traffic chaos and the penultimate slow ass drive to get to my appointment at the Ottawa Hospital Civic Campus. Ok so the appointment was set at 9:30a and of course there had to be at least some snow clearing that needed to be done as I didn't want to shovel. Well cuz yeah Heart condition and not a great idea; however, given the time and knowing traffic I did a quick clearing for my car and enough for the others to be able to drive out to get both kids to exams; well actually one to exam and the other just to visit. And the final occupant didn't need to get out, but there was a path.

Commute and the Results

 I left the house at 7:40a and I started up Waze to plot my course. Of course it knew exactly where all the shortcuts to take, but what Waze doesn't know is that some of the sketchy neighbourhoods it took me through were not even plowed so did it save me time...meh...it was an adventure. I went from Old Richmond road to cutting through Bell's Corners and then on Baseline through another neighbourhood to do a loop through another neighbourhood to get to Lincoln Fields to the SJAM where I got to Island Park and through ritzy houses and century homes with again streets not plowed. Remember, recovery from heart surgery and of course now with elevated HR. 😡
I finally arrived at the Civic and I have to say the pathways and roads were actually well maintained. However, parking was absolutely non-existent.
It was to the point where parking attendants were doing Valet since in the actual tower it appeared there was zero spots left yet they were still letting people into the parking garage. So I passed the attendants and just took my chances and drove up to the very top and SCORE there were still spots left. So I pulled into the first spot and time...9:15a Oh did I tell you that they wanted me there 20 mins before my appointment? gah!
OK so of course I was nowhere near the actual entrance near where I need to be so I walked from the parkade to the main entrance and chivalry was out the door so sorry lady in the wheelchair for some parkour moves around you and weaving between you crazy people wanting your Tim Horton's double double fix.
I went to the information desk and said where's the Sleep clinic again? I know it's 1st floor and kind volunteer lady said I think you need to go to Elevator D...bingo that's the letter so I went super sonic to the elevator and since this hospital is ancient I felt the elevator was not even moving...oh there were three all slower than a new bottle Heinz Ketchup. 😕 
When an elevator did finally show up I went up the one floor, yeah yeah I could have found a staircase and went up, but didn't want to get lost in a hospital that seems somewhat has fifty wings.
Oh and what time was it when I actually got to the check in??? yep it was 9:25a
Oh and was anyone actually at the desk? absolutely not, but there was one guy ahead of me and we both waited and then another patient arrived. So here we were three dudes waiting to be told we have Apnea and show me the money!!!

No I kid, but the reception lady finally made an appearance and took my health card and gave me the 20 questions security check and gave me a clipboard and goes yep fill this two page questionnaire out!! 😒
So I took the clipboard and and filled out the sheets and handed back the clipboard and was called into one of the rooms where I met Dr. Leech.
I sat down and she was pretty empathetic at the slow commute and the parking and pretty much tried to calm me down as it was apparent I was stressed out. We joked about the drive and the morning, but for what it was worth it was a long morning and it was only 9:45a.
So we went over my results and of course I have sleep apnea, but it was quite the interesting conversation as the way I answered the questions and then the results reveal was intriguing to her. To be honest I answered the survey questions honestly to how I've been feeling the past couple of weeks so there wasn't really any deviation. Also the sleep study was a week before I was going for my Ablation so there really wasn't much correlation to my AFib to Sleep Apnea or is there??  She could not confirm that fixing my Apnea would help my heart, but in general and more long term it would be better for me. Of course having a Continuous positive airway pressure (CPAP) machine setup to help me breathe through the night will be intrusive.
In general, I did not provide them with a lot of actual sleep and more REM sleep. So they took what they got from me and saw from me sleeping on my back I was prone to go into Apnea 29x/hour to about 15x if I was on my side. So the little sleep I did provide them gave them these really interesting numbers. But if I did give them more sleep I'm not sure if the numbers would be in my favour.
So we got side tracked slightly as she said that I exhibit signs of a man with apnea that weighs like 250 lbs.😮
Not only was I surprised she threw out an actual "fun fact" that apparently Asian males and females for some reason are more prone to have Apnea. I'm like really? I feel like being profiled a tad. BUT what was surprising is that she said she had an Asian woman around 90-100 lbs soaking wet...yep Apnea. So part of me is thinking this is just a way to get CPAP machine sales up. The other part of me is in disbelief, but of course one cannot watch oneself not breathing while sleep. 
Here we are...what are the next steps?
  1. I totally ignore this and wait and see what happens with my post Ablation healing and see if there is some benefit. Note that there isn't any evidence that links AFib to Apnea that she was aware, but it's still early in my healing
  2. CPAP. Try it for 30 some odd days and see how I feel.
  3. Which she believes is the right fit is a mandibular dental appliance. BUT the only catch is that I have to be sure the CPAP is of zero benefit and I need a 2nd choice.
So she wrote me up some scripts and said to get in touch with the clinic that will provide a free rental to try and then see where to go from there. But I let her know that I'm still waiting for a follow up and that I'm going to hold off until at least next week.
Oh don't worry I'll be posting that lovely experience when I get the CPAP. 

Bell Let's Talk

If you follow my social feeds of Twitter and Instagram then I won't take too much digital space and just say check out my feed on Twitter / Instagram @ottpak where I share my story and via this blog about me! Feeling defeated and down and using this space to try and find some way to articulate the emotions I have and put them into words on a screen. I merely pointed out that my family and friends were there and although a big corporation like Bell makes a big publicity deal out of this, but the message is clear. Use your voice, step up and be heard and share your story. It doesn't have to be to me or a professional, but confide to someone and just be there. I relied on my friends and family as support and they heard my cry. They were there and will still be there so I give 🙌 to them and give them 😍 for being there. #BellLetsTalk #EndTheStigma